I wannas sexs uuuuu
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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