After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
