Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
