i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
