Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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