so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
