he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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