Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
handjob tips. give me some.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
