so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
