I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
