Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
