Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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