Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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