Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
