i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
