Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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