Pappa wants mamma naked
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Text me some of your sweat
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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