So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
