My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize