i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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