i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
