I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
