Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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