My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
