Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize