how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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