My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
