I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
