and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
