I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
