I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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