My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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