ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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