Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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