Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
you never un-have a 4some
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
