What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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