I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
God I need to hump something, right now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
