KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
