she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i now understand why vodka
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
