i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
