I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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