i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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