Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
where does the pee come out of this thing
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize