i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
