I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
