I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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