i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
thus making me awesome and them whores
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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