I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
