Christians are straight up FREAKS
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
