At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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