It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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