FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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