Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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