we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
