life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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