Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
