I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
