4 words: hood of his car
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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