nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
