I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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