We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
