he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
