we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
