She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
