About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
