If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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