# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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