i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
